55 thoughts on “BORIS on Have I Got News for You”

  1. Boris on Have I Got News For You

    Boris is confirmed to appear as host on Have I Got News for You on 15th December! It’ll be another classic performance, we’re sure. Video recorders at the ready……

  2. His Grace is always profoundly entertained and cerebrally indulged when Mr Johnson takes the chair.

    He looks forward to this Advent highlight.

  3. Jag, “ooooh” you naughty little poster, personally I hope nothing comes up during the programme.

    Nice link though, but I should be so lucky, (singing quietly to myself), memories, memories

  4. Rock out. The Boz makes a good programme great. Shame him & Hislop can’t be on everything, all the time – sort of like Ant & Dec with a few million years of evolution.

  5. Off topic, But I can no longer post on the forum, which I was able to do earlier today. The idlex username is not recognised. When I requested that my password be sent to me, I received no reply. Anyone else experiencing the same problem?

    Jaq said a few days ago that boris-johnson.com was under attack by hackers. It would appear that it still is. But it seems that I can still post here.

  6. Boris ,could you please try to use the word “Homunculus” during next Fridays programme?
    I know it would make a lot of people (me) very happy if you did.

  7. Unable to post this on the smoking forum, please forgive me for temporarily posting it here:

    “It’s quite simple, God is love,” PaulD wrote somewhere recently (although I’ve not been able to find where).

    I was down at my local pub this afternoon, brooding alone as ever over the looming smoking ban. After a while I got up, and went to the bar for another drink. And there, beside me, a complete stranger lit up a cigarette. And as I beheld him, a spring of love gushed into my heart, and, upon complete impulse, I said to him:

    “Thank you for smoking.”

    His face lit up with a broad smile, and he replied that no one had ever thanked him for smoking before. And the girl behind the bar, serving the drinks, said that nobody had ever thanked her for smoking either. And so I said to her too:

    “Thank you for smoking.”

    And at more or less the same time the landlord’s wife passed with a friend in tow, I told her what I had said. And she and her friend replied that they smoked too. “We’re the A team!” they sang. And I felt bound by bonds of warmth and affection to every single one of them.

    The anti-smoking campaign is not driven by love. It is entirely driven by hatred and fear. And I have felt that, by degrees, I was becoming filled with an equal and opposite hatred. But today I saw, for the very first time, that this hatred could be utterly defeated by love – by the upwelling of the love that I felt within me today. There is no need to protest or complain. Instead all that one need do is walk up to complete strangers in bars, or stations, or roads, and say:

    “Thank you for smoking.”

    God is indeed love. And today has been the first time I ever realised it.

  8. jonny – welcome!

    churstonchappie – glad you like the link 🙂

    idlex – I’ve been advised that you could try re-registering with a different password?

  9. Yes Idlex, I did write this somewhere and can’t find it either. “God is love. The rest is packaging.” It came in an Idlex Moment.

    Jack Target, bless him, got a little steamed up at the oversimplification. Don’t theologians like to make life complicated! I remember him saying the statement was unhelpful; it did not explain creation or sin.

    I don’t care. The creation is beyond my comprehension. Sin is the antithesis of love, but one must precede the other. When the big bad wolf said “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” there had to be good (the piggy in his house) before there could be bad (the wolf).

    To use your analogy of smoking, the cigarette came first; without it there would be no anti-cigarette. We must put love first and regard sin, hate and other negative forces as encumbrances to be shaken off.

    The Ten Commandments place love above sin; Thou shalt love the Lord thy God… Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thy self, are principles upon which the entire moral code is based.

    In the light of this, I am happy to think of God as love and love as God. It may be pathetically simple but it’s a start.

    When is Rowan Williams retiring?

    (Will re-post this on the forum’s smoking thread)

  10. ‘When the big bad wolf said “I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down” there had to be good (the piggy in his house) before there could be bad (the wolf).’ (PaulD)

    What’s bad about killing pigs? I quite fancy a bacon sandwich for breakfast myself.

  11. Dear god, I stayed out of the thread in the forum. I stayed out of the smoking section. I stayed out of their houses. I stayed out of their cars. But the bloody smokers think they can take their awful habit anywhere they like…

  12. But the bloody smokers think they can take their awful habit anywhere they like…

    By staying out of the smoking section, Raincoaster, it seems you have not understood that we don’t wish to inflict our awful habit on you. We simply want to enjoy a pint and a ciggy without being forced to stand out in the rain. There are various ways of achieving this to everyone’s satisfaction, but none of them appeals to the command-and-control instincts of our leaders.

    Frankly I am shocked that free-thinker like you should have become so inured to the inevitability of government interference in our daily lives that you find this ban remotely acceptable.

  13. Oh god, here we go again. Would you like some cheese to go with that whine? I just want you to stop bloody boring me with it. Take it to your own thread, in the name of all that is holy.

  14. PaulD – your comments are welcome as we don’t know what will appear on the topical news quiz.

    raincoaster – I sympathise with your plight and your wit always makes me smile.

  15. Raincoaster, I understand how we smokers have become a bore to you non-smokers. I will clear off as requested.

    But do please bear in mind this is more than a smoking ban. It is an act of tyranny against millions of ordinary people and says a great deal about the mob in charge. Watch out – you may be next in their sights.

  16. PaulD – please do not clear off, we welcome your comments on every subject.

    I find it interesting that smoking is such a taboo and that when I was a girl it was fashionable. Fashionable without knowing the dangers obviously – it killed my uncle, he smoked cigarettes. My other (favourite) grand uncle lived to a ripe old age and used to smoke a pipe. To me it smelled delicious as it smelled of him. It was in a sort of solid tube of tobacco he used to cut himself with a well loved pen knife. It was wrapped in foil and green wrapping. He wore trousers with braces and a big leather belt and the clock on the wall was cased in dark carved wood and had to be wound to keep that slow tick tock.

    I wonder if it is just the tobacco or the other chemicals that make cigarette smoke so objectionable. What chemicals do they contain?Cigarette smoke makes me wince but I still love the smell of a pipe.

  17. Not clearing off completely, Jaq. Raincoaster is right – this isn’t a very appropriate subject for the HIGNFY thread.

    See how keen we smokers are not to offend?!

  18. Dear god (raincoaster)

    Sorry to mention the S-word. I only did so because I was unable to post on the forum where I intended (lost password, etc, etc). I did ask for forgiveness in advance of posting.

    But if you had read my post, you would have found it was not really about the S-word, but much more about the G-word which you invoked at the start of your comment.

  19. A cigarette that bears a lipstick’s traces
    An airline ticket to romantic places
    And still my heart has wings
    These foolish things remind me of yoooou.
    de da de da da da de da da da da.

    As the saying goes “they don’t write em like that anymore”

  20. A cigarette that bears a lipstick’s traces
    An airline ticket to romantic places
    And still my heart has wings
    These foolish things remind me of yoooou.

    This is just soooooo politically incorrect.

    The first line encourages people to not only smoke, but to actually unhygienically share them with each other. The second one encourages people to contribute to global warming by flying abroad. The third line is incomprehensible, but sounds like a vivisectional medical experiment gone wrong. It’ll have to be re-written, something along the lines of:

    A cucumber that bears organic traces,
    A parking ticket in expensive places,
    And when alarms bells ring,
    These useful things remind me what to do.

    There. That’s a lot better.

  21. idlex – you’re never alone with a Strand.

    “Stop doing the stroll, mouse, limbo, eighty-one and peppermint twist. Give the Strand four minutes of your time and you won’t think of doing another dance for at least two weeks.”

  22. Very good Idlex, it brought a smile to my face.

    Do you know any more PC songs that could be brought up to date,

    Jaq. I’m sure Ian Hislop and Paul Merton could think of a few on Friday nights show with Boris !

    By the way Idlex, Thank you for smoking (grin)

  23. PC carols:

    Hark the herald angels sing,
    Glory to the deity of your choice…

    No I like the schoolyard version:

    Hark the herald angels sing,
    Haliborange is the thing,
    Three for women and two for men,
    One for children under 10,
    If you want to go to heaven,
    Better take 6 or 7,
    If you want to go to hell,
    Better take the box as well,
    Hark the herald angels sing,
    Haliborange is the thing.

  24. Is this the same gekk or are we going to have our own ‘Peter Hitchens’ thread?

    Actually I’m Peter Hitchens and so is my wife, allegedly.

  25. Good show Boris although your autocue reading needs some work. (You wouldn’t get onto the A list would you)

    Paul D your theory that God is Love will I `m afraid be challenged by cunning materialist philosophers employing the “No he isn’t ” ,counter and impasse will ensue. Similarly many have asked since the dawn of the time the question “Why? “. The majority have replied “Why not “and rubbed salt into the wound by adding “..anyway its your round ”

    I foresee a damascene conversion about the time master manias educational needs must be attended to.

    Gosh I feel out of it you’ve all got in jokes I don’t understand . Ah well I shall have to be the lonely misunderstood outsider (think Marlon Brando)………who was that mysterious stranger ?What are you rebbelling agaisnt newmania

    “Huh ..what have you got..”

  26. “Got a potato clock”?

    I somehow suspect that was one of Boris’ own jokes. As were all the wincing rest.

    And what on earth were Sue Perkins and Paul Merton doing bouncing up and down on their seats?

    Great show though.

  27. your autocue reading needs some work. (newmania)

    I thought Boris did very well. He spoke with gusto. Much better than last time, when he spent half the time squinting into it helplessly, and Paul Merton had to help him out.

  28. Boris is a journalist not an actor , comedian or presenter. I thought he added a current affairs spine without which its just another gag-a -thon.

    Appropos of nothing , if anyone is interested I discovered these exerts from the Magna Carta today. Lord Mowbray , venerable Tory Peer and Wordsworthian character died on Tuesday and his direct ancestor was one of the signatories . His family was straight from Evelyn Waugh but he seemed such a charming gentleman. When badly injured he was indifferent to a doctor but demanded the attendance of a Priest. I like that, Ive never trusted Doctors. I suspect that when you are deaths door they may well pull you though .

    Magna Carta

    + (39) No free man shall be seized or imprisoned, or stripped of his rights or possessions, or outlawed or exiled, or deprived of his standing in any other way, nor will we proceed with force against him, or send others to do so, except by the lawful judgement of his equals or by the law of the land.

    + (40) To no one will we sell, to no one deny or delay right or justice.

    (41) All merchants may enter or leave England unharmed and without fear, and may stay or travel within it, by land or water, for purposes of trade, free from all illegal exactions, in accordance with ancient and lawful customs.

    (45) We will appoint as justices, constables, sheriffs, or other officials, only men that know the law of the realm and are minded to keep it well.

    WE seem to have gone backwards…in so many ways

  29. The look of – I can only describe it as triumphant glee – on Boris’s face after he finished the arch-bishop joke was absolutely priceless.

    Good job all ’round, Boris!

  30. Should someone inform Boris of the origins of the term “gypped”, which he used with such alacrity on “Have I got news for you” this week?

  31. Well up here in South-East Northumberland we say ‘gypped’ meaning ‘taken the mickey’. We used to say it (and do it) a lot as kids, i.e. ‘Look at that fat bald guy at the bus stop, let’s give him some gyp’.

    According to the online dictionaries it means ‘to fraud or swindle’. Up here as kids is was common to say ‘jewed’ in this context. I never really thought about it until I moved somewhere more multi-cultural, then people were suddenly horrified by the use of this phrase.

    ‘Alacrity’ on the other hand is a word I had never heard of.

Comments are closed.